Happy Half-Birthday, Ezra!!

The BEST chicken taco salad you'll EVER eat!

First off, I apologize for the lack of photo. This salad was so pretty- and so YUMMY that I scarfed it down before I thought to take a pic. However, the NEXT time we have this salad, I will try to control myself long enough to take a picture.

Secondly, I'd like to thank my friend, Julie Florez for her amazing taco chicken recipe for the crockpot. Without which, said salad would have never come into existence. Okay....here's the rest.

Chicken taco lime salad:

Taco Chicken:

4 chicken breasts (I used frozen)

Medium carton of pico de gallo

1 pkt of taco seasoning, mild (or make your own)

About a half cup of water

In Crockpot: sprinkle taco seasoning on bottom of crockpot. Lay chicken breasts on top. (I put them in frozen- SCORE!) Pour pico on top and add water. Cover, cook on high for about 3-4 hours. Pull out chicken breasts and shred with fork. Put back in crockpot and continue on low for at least an hour or till ready to eat.

Salad:

Herb Mix salad

chopped tomatoes

chopped avocado

chopped purple onion

chopped bell pepper (I used red and orange)

chopped cilantro

shredded cheddar cheese (I use white sharp)

lime wedge

Assembly:

I put down my salad first, then added chicken, then avocado. THEN KEY MOMENT: Squeeze lime wedge over meat and avocado. (TRUST me...you don't wanna miss this!) Then layer all other ingredients on top. You can also add sour cream, but I avoided it so I could have more cheese.

Cross my heart and hope to die if THIS is not the best salad you've ever had. Well....how about instead, if you don't like it...you just bring it to me! ;o)

Celebrating!!!!!

Whooop! Just wanted to share that it's been 2 weeks since Ezra has had his reflux medication! It appears as though he's grown out of the painful part! We still have to mix cereal with his formula or he spits up quite a bit- BUT that's still a victory in my book!

Now we can get on with just enjoying life with some normalcy. (Whatever that means....)

He has also obtained two teeth (see picture above- excuse his shirt-he's a messy eater!) and started trying to crawl! He gets up on his hands and knees and then face plants. (haha!)

Thankful to the Lord for overcoming this hurdle!

Ash heaps

This week I received a letter from Arrow Adoption Agency inquiring about our case file. We hadn't gotten any more paper work or requirements met and they were wondering if we were still interested in adoption at this time. With a bittersweet feeling, I wrote them back letting them know that we actually just had a baby 4 months ago and to please keep our family's paperwork on file. (You cannot adopt from this agency within one year of a death or birth in the family)

That must be why this crossed my mind at 2am this morning while rocking and feeding Ezra.

Ash heaps.

The thing we like to remember the most about Job is when he lost everything he had and still proclaimed "Blessed be the name of the Lord". We find comfort in the words and the thought that no matter if the Lord gives to us or takes away things in life, we will praise Him. Because He is worthy and loving. It's true. He is. But we never think about the ash heap. We never think about Job sitting and scraping his boils in absolute "God just kill me" grief, among ashes. Maybe it's that we don't think that is worthy of anything? Maybe we assume that when Job boldly proclaimed his faith no matter his state, that was more pleasing to his Creator? Maybe we think that when we feel desperate and broken somehow that doesn't also bring glory to the Lord? Maybe it's not as praise worthy? Or maybe it's just not as pretty? I'm not sure what it is about us that lifts up one and forgets or dismisses the other.

I sat in an ash heap on and off for two years. In absolute grief and pain. And like Job, at times, "God just kill me", grief. Job even went further than that...he wished he had never even been born. That's pain. That's "being at the end of yourself, don't understand anything in life", real, deep pain. For me, that is comforting. Job was human. It's the kindness of the Lord that would add that to the story. The goodness of a loving Father who knows his children. He knows we will feel this way in life. He knows that an example of a person who lost it all and just went on bounding through life with a smile on his face would never encourage the broken. He also knows, there isn't a human on the planet who would respond that way, even though we sometimes try to portray it as such.

It amazes me, when reading Job how he first did have such a seemingly strong, full of faith response. Then moments later, he's covered in ashes wishing he'd never been born. That's how grief works. It comes later. The deep pain always comes later. Maybe we're just in shock at first. Maybe it's the Lord's grace that keeps us strong in the moment. I'm not sure...but I do know it always comes later. I had several people ask me, "But you were so strong before, why are you upset NOW? How did you get from point A to point B?" Almost a "What did you do wrong?" kind of question.

Though, I didn't do anything wrong. Funny how Job's friends thought that too. I think honestly, humans just want a quick fix. With themselves, and with others. We want out of that ash heap as fast as possible. We want others out of their ash heap even quicker. Quite frankly, if it were up to us, there would be no ash heaps. No grief. No sorrow. No loss.

As I sat thinking about all of these things, I looked down at the baby in my lap. Soft puffy cheeks and long beautiful eyelashes that curl up all the way to his expressive perfect eyebrows. Such a sweet beautiful gift. Then it hit me. What if there was no ash heap? What if there had been no miscarriages, no grief, no loss. Then I wouldn't have this baby. I remember crying out to the Lord, with each loss "But I wanted THIS baby!!!" The Lord knew. He knew which baby he would grow to fruition. He knew which baby he would lay in my arms. It would be this baby. Of course, I see it clearly now.

It was impossible for me to imagine this outcome while I was in the ash heap. Though, it was in that ash heap that I came to the end of me. In the ash heap that I questioned and searched God. All that I've read and heard about God became visible as He began to show me Himself, just the way he did Job. It's there in that ash heap that I saw His grace and love. Patience and power. Gentleness and greatness! He picked me up out of that ash heap, dusted me off, kissed my cheeks, and sent me back into a life he would bless more than I could imagine. A new love, a new life that I would never have apart from that ash heap.

I love the Lord's middle of the night lessons to me:

"Don't belittle or underestimate what I'm doing in the midst of an ash heap. In your life, or the lives of my other children."

He gave us Himself

For the past couple of years now I've just been surrounding myself with gospel centered teaching. Whatever I can read or listen to, to better help me understand just what it is that Jesus did for me and what that means for my life. It all started with the book of John. I spent two years in that book- and it rocked my world. I started seeing Jesus in a way that I'd never understood before. From there the Lord has taken me deeper and deeper into the gospel and opened my eyes to who He is, what He did, and the point of it all. So last night, I began to ponder something.

Jesus gave us Himself.

I was thinking about Jesus washing the disciples feet. (John 13) This is the first passage that opened my eyes to the sweetness of Jesus and his love for the disciples. The Lord drew my attention to something different this time.

Here are the disciples, sitting around with nasty feet about to eat dinner. Jesus, pondering all that is about to take place, quietly gets up from the table and begins washing their feet. You know the story, Peter immediately freaks out and insists that Jesus NOT wash his feet. Jesus patiently acknowledges Peter's lack of understanding and continues. Peter continues to insist Jesus do no such thing...and Jesus tells Peter he can have no part with Jesus if he does not wash him. So then Peter exclaims, "Lord, not my feet only, but my hands and my head!!" To which the Lord replied, "He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean."

So here's what struck me. The disciples didn't know they had a need. They didn't even think about the fact that their feet were dirty. They were perfectly happy to sit in their own filth. Yet Jesus saw more than dirty feet. He saw dirty hearts that needed cleansing. The disciples were already believers. They were already one with Jesus...but because of their fallen humanity, they still had sin in their hearts. However, to address their problem, Jesus didn't stand up and give them 5 steps to loving their neighbor better, or a lecture on not serving the Lord like they should, or that the real problem they had was selfishness that stemmed from their pride. He quietly got up and gave them Himself. Jesus saw the need. Jesus met the need.

Sure He went on to explain what He was doing and why. He gave them an example to follow. However, he did more than just that. He did for them what they could never do for themselves.

He didn't just model humility for them. He became their humility.

He is giving us Himself. Daily, the areas in my heart that need cleansing that I don't see, He is gently picking up the basin and towel and washing me. When I am content to sit in my own filth and I don't understand...He is there, patiently washing. Patiently being my example. But much more than that....because He knows I can't obtain it on my own, He is my righteousness.